I think I’ll offer an alternative award to the Nobel Peace Prize , which I will call
…The Thrown Together – Taking the Piss – Prize. , or TTTPP for short
So - just to set the scene - how about you all give me loads of money ……………
……hmmmm…………a few billion will probably do for starters…..and I will do all of this , for one inclusive price –
Firstly – I’ll start a few wars , maybe - pollute the planet a bit with my big business friends , then I’ll possibly exploit a few million people along the way , and maybe throw in the odd genocide - just for a laugh - of course .
( Optional extras could include – releasing biological weapons and pretending its a natural disease or possibly selling weapons to both sides , but to be honest - this list is endless , and of course can be tailored to your own deluded mind )
..but wait there’s …MORE … free stuff …
………if you - the world taxpayer - sign up within a week - to this once in a lifetime opportunity ………
I will include an exquisitely - boxed and gilt - limited edition ….......
……THIRD WORLD FAMINE PACK …..!!!......
In which you can squeeze those backward countries to your own will – instantly -
with a minimum of fuss - there by blackmailing them to accept your military bases and of course you can - help them to rebuild their ravaged infrastructure- afterwards
…and all this comes - totally and utterly
..FREE OF CHARGE . …
……..but wait there’s - EVEN – MORE ……
Early responders will get -an exclusive to this offer-
- MILITARY DICTATOR –
…….to install in the country of YOUR choice…again …TOTALLY FREE.........
These top of the range beauties, all have fully programmable - megalomaniac tendencies - ranging from very slightly strict ( Western Countries only ) to the full screaming maniac - mode ( Third World only ) , and come in a variety of sizes
( mainly small ) and in most popular colours , although - white - is a special order :)
Options include – Armies of grey suited – yes men , to offer that essential help and support during those manic moments , and of course - to help bury the bodies .
Mind you at the end of it all the piper will need paying , and I will of course - expect a lavish ceremony, at maybe a climate change or trade conference - for all my
“selfless services to mankind” .This is to be accompanied by at least - choral choirs of angels singing my praises all the way to heaven , or more likely - down over :) , as my exquisitely fashioned award is presented to me before all the peoples of the world in their undying gratitude of being touched by my infinite wisdom :)
Just to end - I’ll quote my “old mate” - Johnny Rotten again - if I may…………
…“ ever get the feeling you’ve been cheated “ …
