Modern Day Cowboy

A friend of mine always reckons I’d make a good cowboy , simply because I look after my horse or in my case my bike , before myself ………… as all - gun slinging , cow roping people - supposedly do:)

The title is not about me being a cowboy in reality , but yet another plagiarised song title , this time by 80’s rockers – Tesla , and yes I can see the majority of you rolling back your eyes and thinking……… “ now what’s he on about ” ………as usual :)


Well - due to a lack of decent , contemporary bands on tour – take a bow Green Day for playing nowhere near us in October !! , Evil Don and I have had to resort to the past – yet again for entertainment , hence me buying Tesla tickets at the weekend .

I got in to work on Monday with the tickets , only to discover Evil Don didn’t have any money with him and then cheekily offered to pay me £1 a week !!! , so I said fine - I’ll chop the ticket up in to 16 pieces and he can have a piece every week …………
……………he wasn’t impressed :)

That aside , I’m just sat here singing another of their tracks entitled –
Cover Queen , and just wondering how I could have worked that one in to today’s offering ……………………………

…… ……gay , rude or maybe - both ……..spring to my tiny mind :)





Red Pills Forever :)


I was riding home on my mountain bike tonight and pulled in to let a car past me.

I then - inadvertently gave the cool looking “come on” sign that Morpheus does to Neo in the first Matrix movie , to the young gal driving the car ……….
……………………don’t ask me why :)

Now this turned in to one of those moments , where she sat looking bemused , no doubt thinking I thought I was a big black , movie star dressed in leather , whilst in reality I am a white boy on a mountain bike in shorts …………oh well :)



Right - I’m on holiday until next Tuesday as my friend from Japan - Atsu is here :) , ………thus the closed sign is going up until then …………cu later :)

HAHAHAHAHAH..or not .....

I was talking to one of our guys in the office – today , and I was saying that –

“It’s bizarre the sports centre is so full of people at this time of the day “ .

So he say’s ……

……………….“if it was a bazaar ……it would be full “…….

So I hit him over the head with one of my hand carved brass plates ( which are on sale at the moment ) and left him tied up with several scarf’s ( buy one get one free ) in the corner for a while , whilst I served a few customers at my stall :).

……………………sorry :)

Here’s a serious question for you - does the above humour actually work or is it too convoluted ? .I’m never , ever sure if this is maybe visual as opposed to written humour , and this of course this does not take in to consideration that this type of word play is typically British , and may not carry well internationally - either :)

Long term readers will remember my ill fated attempts to explain British humour to my Japanese friend Atsu , and I reckon humour has probably got national borders , as colloquial Japanese humour is from what I can understand is very socially based and totally incomprehensible to non natives , although saying that are television shows like Endurance supposed to be funny or merely a national sport :).

A lot of German humour according to my information would be lost in translation to English due to the differences in the language construction , and if you believe all the press say in the U.K. - they don’t have one ………..just joking here for all my German friends :)

American humour - well I can probably tell you the difference between English and American humour , in that is its more slapstick and visual , but what it is , is a more difficult question , and I personally don’t like American sitcoms , but find the cartoon shows South Park and The Simpson’s highly entertaining – but that’s just me :)

Now according to The Economist !!! - our French cousins have no sense of humour , which is backed up by its Wikipedia page and its total lack of information on
comedy , and supposedly the word humour did not even exist in France before the revolution of 1789 .

I think I’d better desist with the above list , as I’ll probably get hate mail from all over the world because of it – now :)

Now after writing all the above rubbish , I typed in British humour and looked on the Wikipedia page , and all is explained , apparently our so called “culture of
humour ” is appreciated worldwide ……………. which does surprise and horrify me , as knowing some of the shows we produce here , I dread to think what kind of stereotyping message that sends out to the world :)

................surfin' Camp X Ray ..................

Dick and Con’ - now there’s a marriage made in heaven , and it seems this particular pair of “charmers “ have been caught - officially sanctioning the torture of illegally held prisoners in Guantanamo Bay since 2002…….tsk……..tsk .......tsk…….

…But hey ….it seems “multi talented” - Ms Rice has got degree…….WOW …..
………and can…….…………..GASP …………… play the piano !!! ……………

So I’ll have to instantly let her off with all these heinous crimes against humanity , and as for Mr Cheney ……well, that’s a much more difficult case , as it seems he has unfortunately , got no redeeming features - what so ever , so I’ll have to think about this particular one.

No just joking ……………….

You probably all know by now that I’m a great believer of subjecting these type of people to their own style of “justice “ and we all know what that means ………

……………..better break out those water boards ……….. for a little surfin’ :)



Dear Sir :)
-----------------------

I saw a program on T.V. last week in which a wildlife photographer tried to catch a whole load of different type of animals on film, and it detailed the lengths he went to do it.

This included - using a crane and hoist to photograph squirrels , and creeping around wearing a sheep suit infused with the “marvellous scent” of deer urine – YUK !!!, for pictures of the deer.

Now this is all a tiny bit elaborate in anybody’s book , and I’m sure he’s not playing to the cameras – oh no :) , so my suggestion to him is to cut the theatricals and maybe ………………….just get out of bed early :)

On the other hand , my problem as you all know is not lack of wildlife, but an inability to safely carry my SLR on my mountain bike , and after this mornings incident of deer literally running alongside me , I’m now seriously thinking of riding to work tomorrow with my camera slung around my neck.

I’ll just have to ride very, very , very slowly - though , to avoid using it as a hard and very expensive - cushion if I fall off :)

Dragonslayers Anonymous

Well it’s the one day were actually “allowed “to be nationalistic today - as its
St Georges day here in England - hence I’m flying the three lions flag

This is an odd choice maybe , but long term readers will know I won’t fly the Union Jack or indeed the Cross of St George – PAH !!!. , for various reasons which have been documented several thousand times - thus I’m not repeating them :).

My personal use of this particular coat of arms is doubly ironical , as my very own ancestors fought on the Parliamentarian ( Roundheads ) side , against the Royalists
( Cavaliers ) in the English Civil Wars of the 1600’s , so I suppose I’m a traitor ..………………………… head on a spike time for me – then :)

Historically speaking - The Civil War had to happen as the monarchy in this country had been out of control for years , but to be honest , and in a modern context - I support our royal family more than the arrogant politicians , who in a satirical twist have been acting for years , like the royals of the Middle Ages - did !!!

Maybe its time good old - St George did a bit more metaphorical slaying , but this time the - overblown, self important , bloated - parliamentary system in this country , and I think I’d probably enlist my old mate - Queen Boadicea in to the quest - too :)

Sorry I can just imagine Queen B chasing after fat , wobbly politicians in her chariot screaming …………………..

…….YOU CHANGED MY NAME…………YOU B*ST*RDS……………………. …………………….YOU CHANGED MY NAME …………………………..

Saying this - I probably wouldn’t ask Richard the Lionheart , who’s coat of arms the three lions actually are , as he’d probably miss the point and shoot off to France to get President Sarkozy instead , which on reflection , may not be a bad thing :)

Tommy Gunn

Our local tale spinner ( or liar in impolite circles :) ) is a guy called Sparky , and he is totally and utterly infamous for it , although people who know him let him get on with it as its very entertaining .

He was sat in the corner of our local pub the other week , regaling his many , many army stories to all that wanted to listen and those that didn’t , and tonight’s particular story was when he was “in the” elite British army regiment - The Special Air Service ( SAS ) :)

Sparky being the master tale spinner kept stopping the story with the immortal words-

“ I shouldn’t be saying this “ ….. “ the lads wouldn’t like me telling you this “
………..“ ….the official secrets act “ ………………etc …….etc …….etc


Now in one of these pregnant pauses, a guy at the bar chips in to the conversation
with –


“ what regiment were you in ???” ……and of course this elicited the -


“ooooooh can’t tell you” ……………response from Sparky.


The guy just nod and says -


“ok - what was your army number ??? “


So Sparky was a little suspicious by now , and rattled off a number to the guy , who pondered awhile and then said –


“…………….well that would make you a very young looking - 82yrs old ” :)


So Sparky just blusters something about making a mistake , and makes a very , very sharp exit out of the door :)


Now your probably thinking – set up - here , but It turns out this guy had just walked in off the street and was a military historian , who had genuinely been in The SAS , and Sparky’s “number” as it turned out was genuine, but belonged to the Second World War …………….wooops :)

Sparky was last seen shooting off at 500mph on his camouflage painted Honda , his M65 combat jacket blowing in the breeze , maybe he had got the call from “the regiment” - that hostages needed saving somewhere in the world …………or not :)

10...9...8...7...6.......

Well I’ve got a few mental countdowns on the go at the minute, the most recent being May 21st ……………………………………………..

This particular one has got to be a menacing red led , set in a chrome steel cylinder covered in blood , rather like the type you find on a bomb …………………………

To go off on a slight tangent, that is pertinent to the point - I once mistakenly let slip the ending to a movie a while ago to one of my work colleagues who we affectionately call - Chimpy , and of course its all now a standard joke –


Titanic ….the ship sinks…………..

The Others ….they are dead………

LOTR ( The Return of the King )…………the king comes back…………….

The Road to Perdition ……………I’m just being silly now …………….


……no hang in what about Momento - where the end and the beginning of the movie are the same………Chimpy would probably lose his bananas at this point - I
reckon :) …………..



Ok I’ll move on - what’s this got to do with the sinister countdowns ???

Well - Terminator Salvation comes out on that particular day , and guess who is going to see it before Chimpy , yes that’s right “Mr I give the end away” :) , which is of course doubly ironic as we all know what happens in the end , because it is set in the middle ??? of The Terminator time lines , so I’m saying absolutely nothing here , except - don’t watch any of the other movies …………………………………

………………………..wooops ………….too late :)



Squeal like a Pig……………………

Just a quick update - The ex Secretary of State - Dick Cheney is now very oddly calling for certain documents to be released by the CIA , most of which is information gleaned whilst torturing interns in Guantanamo Bay.

Errrrr ………this in my book is a very strange thing to do , and is it by any chance a back covering exercise on his part, so if any charges were to be brought in the future he could “justify” his actions by implying “useful” information was obtained , which was “essential” to - hmmmm and lets think about this ………………..
…………..national security ………… maybe :).

Pardon my scepticism - but If Dick Cheney himself was illegally imprisoned for
years , and subjected to his CIA and jackbooted military buddies’ , so called
“chamber of delights “ on a regular basis , he would certainly be singing their song too , and probably denouncing Dubya as the antichrist …………just for a laugh :) .

This is yesterdays news , and as I said yesterday – prosecute the lot of them !!!

Nil Impartiality

I notice Barak Obama will not be seeking any kind of further action against those responsible for the alleged torture of inmates in Guantanamo Bay last week , and equally over here in the U.K. - we have an ex intern who has recently accused certain authorities here of being complicit with the illegal treatment that was carried out there .

Now knowing the system in the U.K. , the immediate and unequivocal , rebuke by a …….. “plausible deniability”………sorry….sorry……..Senior Minister :) ,
over these particular accusations , creates an instant suspicion in my mind as to our definite involvement in some form or another , and this point has been further backed up a recent United Nations report condemning the U.K. because of this alleged
action.

Authorities in both countries , need to in my opinion , send out a strong message to the world saying this kind of behaviour will not be tolerated by anybody , and those involved on both sides of the Atlantic…….. NEED TO BE PROSECUTED !!!


To me - a flat denial on our part , or an implication that it was “another presidents
fault “ on Obama’s - simply isn’t good enough , and unless this happens, I’ve got no doubt that this will also open up the door in some people’s eyes to legitimize the torture of both American and U.K.citizens in the future, and that we don’t want – do we , because you can guarantee it won’t be a politician on the receiving end.




Boing……. Boing…….


Steve - one of my workmates came in one morning last week , and was looking a little rough around the edges , so I asked him what was going on ? , and it transpired he had been up very , very late the previous night , assembling an eight foot trampoline he’d paid £130 for his kids .


So the next morning he went around the shops as usual , and got talking to a woman down the road , and mentioned the late night trampoline antics to her , and she said he could have a twelve foot , ready assembled , trampoline for free , as her own kids didn’t want it anymore .

So Steve took the afternoon off work to disassemble his trampoline and take it back for a refund , the problem is the free , but substantially , larger trampoline is so big it won’t fit in his back garden - so its back to the drawing board for him :)

Sleeping Society

There’s a saying which goes……. “ sleepwalking in to 1984 “….., and basically this means - society is so lethargic as a whole , it will by default , end up in the nightmarish world of 1984 , with the politicians totally controlling all aspects of your life from birth to death …………………..scary concept .

This is an interesting way of thinking , especially as I think we in the U.K. could be very susceptible to this , simply because of the very nature of the people that live here, add in the nanny state mentality , and your all set for a nice touch of totalitarianism :)

I know it’s an extreme example , but this fits perfectly I think with our mentality -

In the U.K. we don’t man the barricades with our AK47’s for what ever reason , never have done - never will do , thus its always got to be the metaphorical loaded gun with us , but unfortunately that needs people en mass to have any impact , and of course the mass lethargy restricts the power of debate , so I suppose society as a whole is its own worst enemy in this case.

With this thought in mind - I know there are certain set levels of public discontent in place , i.e. cross the line and the politicians will do something about it , stay below and nothing happens, was this put in place by default or design though ??, I tend to think this was probably installed , originally to cut out the crackpots complaining to their M.P’S about nothing , but saying that it could quiet easily be used as an indicator as to what the powers that be , can and cannot , get away with .

I’m not really in to conspiracy theories - the Martians really did really shoot JFK :) ,

Mongrel Nation

We have always been a bit of a racial mix here in the U.K., mainly because of all the various invasions over the ages , although I’m never quiet sure why anybody in their right mind would want to come here :) .

Anyway - we have also done our own fair share of invading over the ages too , hence have always had an influx of people from all over the world in to this country.


It seems to me - Immigrant’s , especially those from the eastern European countries always seem to get a bit of a bad press in the U.K. , and I know we all tend to
“tar people with the same brush “ so I thought I’d relate this little tale from the weekend …………………………………

Sunday was a wonderful hot day here , so despite my awful cold , and to compensate for the fact I’d been painting a lot over the past few days – YUK :) , I thought I’d take a wander down our local nature reserve with my camera and get a few contrast shots to the ones I had taken last winter .

The reserve is basically an old quarry which has filled in with water over the years and has reed beds , marshy areas and a whole load of birds on it , and I’m never really sure who it belongs to , but it can get quiet messy at times due to people leaving their litter , so you can imagine my surprise when I came upon three kids actually cleaning away the rubbish in to a big bag .

It turns out they were all actually Romanian students , and they had just taken it upon themselves to clean up the area a little bit , no body had told them to do it , they just did it because they liked walking around the reserve and thought it was a shame it was so messy .

I reckon we can all become a little blasé about the country we live in and maybe we all need a little reminder about our social responsibilities to it , once in a while , and if that comes from a different perspective - so be it , as this shining example has got me putting a rubbish bag in my rucksack for the next time I go down there.

Gangsta Trippin'....... *

( *with apologies to Fatboy Slim)

Well I was “gangsta’ rapped “ at the weekend or at least the crap - white English approximation of it :)

I was driving back from the Harley shop on Saturday in my car when I was overtaken on a roundabout ( circular intersection) by a car full of white , spotty faced - track suited and Burberry hat wearing - Chavas in a 1.1 Citoen Saxo , with the obligatory loud exhaust and pseudo rap music blasting out .

Now instead of accelerating away they just slowed down to 45mph in the outside lane, and continued to do this on the next roundabout and the next…………..


I think their original plan was to drive along in the outside lane and then speed away when someone tried to undertake them , so- surprisingly for me - I just drove along ignoring them , but Nissan Navara man - behind me took exception to this and went to undertake them., and fortunately the big Nissan SUV had the edge on the speed , and he narrowly made it without causing a major accident .

It was about then , I spotted a big white Peugeot saloon car closing rapidly in the outside lane , now if da’ rapperz had really good eyesight they may have spotted the four grim looking , white shirted occupants , maybe the myriad of extra aerials or even the concealed blue lights under the grille , and desist in their stupidity , but obviously not .

The Peugeot then pulled in fairly close behind the Citroen , and despite all the signs - the penny obviously still hadn’t dropped , as the car load of monkey boys were all looking back towards it in anticipation of yet another “customer” , unfortunately this new “ customer” had - blue lights , sirens , official looking hats , fluorescent jackets and the powers of arrest :)

When this fact did eventually dawn on the brains of Britain , the look of absolute and utter shock on the little darlings , spotty faces was a picture , as they raced around the inside of the car trying to hide their air pistols and cans of glue - swerving all over the road as they did so , and probably adding - dangerous driving to their now lengthening list of offences :)


I did….. “ Westside “ …..them - as I drove past …. only seems fair …. doesn’t it :)

......of rabbits and men ................

I shouldn’t be writing this as it’s technically a holiday here in the U.K. , but these were both going spare , so I thought I’d publish and be damned :)


This time of the year has always been most memorable to me even back to my childhood , now I don’t know if it’s the turn of the seasons or what , but - and not to put too finer point on it , it always instils hope in me , which is probably the wrong thing to say with its religious connections at this time of the year , considering my lack of belief in such things .

Now don’t get me wrong - religion definitely has its place in the world and certainly has positive aspects , but unfortunately it is the biggest root of conflict throughout the ages, and that’s where something that purports to preach - peace , forgiveness and love - all falls down - flat on its face .

With this in mind - I see certain elements of the right wing in America have been criticising Obama for embracing Muslims in Turkey earlier this week , and I tend to think, and please correct me if I’m wrong here - right wing politics and extreme Christianity seem to go together very well in the U.S.


So it looks like were back to the historical “us verses them” scenario - yet again, and yes the perpetrators can come from both Muslim and Christian faiths , but anyone who seeks to bridge these, and other gaps need to be encouraged , and as for the extremists on both sides , well I’d just put them all in a big room full of weapons and say…………….. “get on with it” ………………… problem eliminated :)





T- Shirt Philosophy

Well it looks like yet another wet and windy Great British Bank Holiday winding itself up :) , which I suppose in a bizarre way , has its advantages in that I will have to decorate the house for Atsu’s imminent arrival , but as the old slogan found on many of Haynes finest - goes …..

“I’d rather be riding my Harley “ :)

I like most humans have to be literally forced in to doing things I don’t like , but I suppose there is no excuse now not to break out the paint as even nature has the loaded gun against my head ……..oh well :)

Taking the title of this literally - I love t shits with witty comments on them and here’s a small selection of my favourites-


Don’t panic I’m Islamic “ or even better “ I’m a suicide bomber”

( Which is to be worn whilst going through Immigration / Customs)


"Sometimes I aim to please, but mostly I just shoot to kill.”

(To be worn at the Independent ??? Police Complaints Authority or at a a briefing by the Israeli Army )

“Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes.”

(I’m saying nothing – here :) )


“Smash forehead on keyboard to continue...”

( Essential wear for most people , at anytime of the day )


"Why do people with closed minds always open their mouths ”

( You could wear this at any political gathering around the world and not feel out of place )


“God’s busy – may I help “ …..usually under a picture of the devil .

( Church )


P.S - I’ll be too busy painting on Monday ( allegedly ) , so Tuesday is the date of the next gripping instalment :)

TooMuch Chat !!!

Very occasionally I get involved in the so called “meeting culture” , this is mainly through my union duties , and have thus come to the maybe, sweeping conclusion , that as a rule - it’s a self perpetuating waste of time that some people base their whole working career around ……………. year in and year out. !!!

I’m smiling here - as one of our guys put an article on the notice board at work from a newspaper the other week , saying “the majority of meetings were a total waste of time “ and he must have struck a definite chord , as our boss was straight up - demanding to know who had posted this ………….defamatory piece :)

I don’t think it was aimed at one particular person , and as I said - I go to the odd meeting myself , but I can’t help but think “guilty conscience syndrome” at work here, as regards our bosses instant and oh so - over the top - reaction to it :)



Ring....... Ring.......

The phone was ringing off the hook today , and it turned out it was our boss looking for one of our staff , who wasn’t here , so he asked for two other members of staff who weren’t in the office either ……..and so on… and so on… and so on………………

Fat Al - who was one of the people who he wanted to speak to , then walked in to the office and picked the phone up to go thru’ the same “ where’s such and such” –
rhetoric ……..but he soon got sick of this and said …………….

“ they are probably all like me , sitting in the office ignoring the phone , as they know its you !!!...............

…….which had us all burst in to absolute fits of laughter , and it was so bad we all had to leave the office :)

I’ll say it again …….some people , but in Fat Al’s defence I have been stood in our bosses office on numerous occasions , and the phone was ringing for so long , I actually said to him - “ are you going to answer that “ :)

D.I.Y.

I must admit after watching the television pictures of the U.K. Police in action at the G90 summit , it did make me think that the officers involved seem to be over reacting to what in my opinion was a peaceful part of the crowd participating in the demonstration.

It now transpires , a person who was not even connected with the demo has sadly died after allegedly coming in to contact with the Police and their heavy handed tactics .

I ‘m not sure what this country is coming to when you can be walking down the street carrying out your legal business - one minute - come in to contact with authorities who purport to protect you , and be dead the next .

I’ve got no doubt if public opinion can actually force an investigation in to this terrible incident , it will be looked in to by the ………………………………………

………………….and yes you guessed it ……..

…. wholly - Police controlled and staffed ……………………..

……………… “Independent “ ( sic) Police Complaints Committee ………………

So rather like the Jean Charles DeMenezes shooting case , they will be buying the whitewash in bulk – yet again !!!




Patching up The Titanic

Even after the trillion dollar cash injection , worldwide stocks and shares are on their way down - yet again.

Which leads me to the “startling” conclusion , that many of you out there except the politicians of course , will have also come to - is that these people and their knee jerk system of economics , simply do not deserve saving .

Harsh I agree - but I reckon you could probably give this particular sector of society all the money in the world , never mind a mere trillion , and they’d still mess it up , as they have done in the past - time after time after time.

This is simply because that is their nature , and they will not change unless they are
legally regulated against on a global basis , and as I’ve said before - feeding this wholly corrupt system with a bottomless pit tax payers money will not reform it , merely keep it on a life support machine , until it grows again , and “surprisingly” the next crisis looms.

.....look at the strange human.................................

I think my love of photography , probably saved my scrawny neck - today ……….

Long term readers will know , I usually see a family four deer on my way to work , so this morning I decided to see if I could photograph them , hence I stopped at the top of the very steep hill to get my camera out.

The photographs themselves weren’t very good as it was still dark(ish) , the deer were quiet a long way away , and the zoom on my compact isn’t very good , so I disappointedly put my camera away , and when I moved off down the hill the bikes handling felt a little funny , so I stopped and the rear tyre was nearly as flat as a pancake !!!

Now - normally I go hell for leather down this hill , and yes it’s the one with the bumpy ninety degree turn and concrete fence posts at the bottom , so maybe , just maybe this slip of fortune - stopped me this morning :)

The plus point in all this being - I’ve beaten my five minute record for stripping the bike and putting a new tube in , as now a days its all easily dismantle able by hand with no tools required , and you can even pull the tyre off the rim without levers.

Although its not really something I really want to get a lot of practice doing , especially at 6am …………. even if my deer audience - appreciated it :)

No Nukes

Well I see my old mate - Prez Obama , want's to get rid of nuclear weapons .

I do admit I’m pro this way of thinking , and do applaud his brave moves, but somehow don’t think this is achievable in his first term of office , and he needs to be at least re elected before you can even hope to seriously start talking about this, although stopping Georgie W’s ill conceived European Missile Shield is probably a good move in regards to our Russki comrades .

Talking of The Soviets , it was they , who ironically proposed the self same nuclear disarmament plans at the Reykjavik Summit of 1986 , but Ronald Reagan actually vetoed it because it would mean giving up his “ holy” - strategic defence initiative , which at the time was probably like selling your grandmother for a penny :)

Wouldn’t it be nice to have powerful world leaders in place who had the same ideals at the same moment in time , as I have nothing but admiration for the then Russian President at the time - Mikhail Gorbachev and his ideas which revolutionised the Soviet Union , although the subsequent - drunk , KGB man and the current puppet - I have no time for .


Now unfortunately, our North Korean friends have decided to move in to the “space race” at this precise moment in time by firing a test missile, setting the Japanese in to a right tizz , and has the west - metaphorically running for cover as the missile could reach the U.S.A. amongst other places .

I won’t even get in to the argument that we have nuclear missiles that can reach for example - North Korea and Iran for years , because were the good guy’s –
…..aren’t we ……….……………..aren’t we ??? ………..:)


Following on from the above - there’s also the question of Iran developing its own nuclear technology too, which I suppose could be monitored by a revival of the 1970’s Nuclear Non proliferation Treaty, in which Iran has the right to produce fuel for civilian nuclear power, as long it submits to international inspections.

With all the above said and done , I will end by being devils advocate , in which I notice Obama is sending even more troops in to Afghanistan, and urging other world nations to follow suit , which is in my book is preaching peace on one hand and war on the other - in typical political fashion .

Does not compute ..does not compute .........

G20 + a trillion dollars = Hedgefunder’s aren’t so bad , and honest people put money in to tax havens , is the according to the B.B.C Financial program the equation for putting the world right , but unfortunately I suspect only for those with a goldfish memory span :)

I personally think we’ve all been globally had - here , as politicians now seek to bail out the financial sector on a world wide basis !!!, amid the embarrassing backdrop of Sarcozy the clown , acting like a drama queen ……………………………

I seriously doubt any of that money will filter down to the ordinary taxpayers , and yes stocks have skyrocketed but that does not help the man in the street , merely those that created the crisis in the first place !!!

Meanwhile the political bandwagon now moves on to Strasbourg , and in to NATO’s 60th birthday summit , having wasted a “mere” £7.5 million on security in the U.K. , and what next I wonder - the third anniversary of Joe Smiths corner shop - celebrations :)

I can’t help but parody Gordon Brown to Neville Chamberlain in 1939 with his piece of paper containing empty promises , as there is no binding or indeed any fixed legislation in the G20 agreement as far as I can see - just promises and pledges , which are to be overseen by the usual collection of toothless, regulatory bodies

………………….. plus ca change – indeed .




Open Fire …………………

I see in the news one of our Police “friends “ from up the sports centre has been under investigation for selling 100’s firearms to the public.

I’ll explain - In the U.K. we have a voluntary system where by the public hand in unwanted gun’s for destruction , i.e. the Luger that Uncle Jack brought back from the war in 1945 , which has lain in the attic collecting dust ever since.

Now instead of destroying these weapons this “enterprising” officer has been selling them on to an unsuspecting public , and this had only came to light when other officers attended a burglary in which a shotgun was stolen , and the owner said he had originally bought it off the Police !!! .

Need less to say this is all under tight wraps at the moment with nobody saying anything , but it all comes out in the wash as they say , rather like the two officers who recently decided to take a trip to London in their patrol car to visit some gals , got in a fight , and were promptly arrested – I kid you not.

………….and now of course the temptation is to walk in to the gym and say

………….”have any of you boys got any shooters for sale " ????? :)

The G Men

I feel like J Edgar Hoover here, and no I’m not a gay - transvestite so don’t even think it :) , this is because of my various files of information on people which you need to keep to be abreast of my various Union cases , as my client list is now out of the door ………….hmmmm ……………………..my infamy has spread quickly :)

Never mind – today’s case was straightforward for once , so I was in a good mood , and the sun was out , so I decided to be environmentally friendly and walk back to work , not realising the distance.

Converse All Stars are maybe great for riding my Harley in or walking short
distances , but trekking for miles and miles wearing them is not a good idea as they have no give in them - what so ever , could have been worse though I could have been doing the full - J Edgar H , and be wearing high heels :)





Driving “Ambition” ???


Talk about irony ……………………

One of our ” holier than thou ” managers was out on one of his…….. GASP .......
private jaunts in a works vehicle , in …..GASP……works time ……….!!! ,
- when it broke down - today…………………………..

Cue a hysterical phone call to us for help , and the reply , well that was a –

….” no chance - were far too busy , and by the way your boss is looking for you”………

…………..strange how things work out ………………. isn’t it :)

Retraction Time :)

A question - did anybody spot yesterdays ….errrr…… “deliberate “ :) mistake in which I was talking about G90 as opposed to G20 …….. how could I get the rich and poor nations mixed up ………….the shame………the shame :).


Moving on quiet rapidly :) ……………I notice amid the usual groups of protesters in London at the Conference , there seems to be a whole lot of what I would call - “normal people” .

Surprisingly - this even extended to a lady from the charitable Christian organisation – The Salvation Army , who had never met Anarchists before , but subsequently described them as being “nice” , which is in direct contrast from the tiny minority of rioting thugs you normally see on T.V. at these oh so “wonderful” occasions :)

You had of course the television pictures from The City of boarded up windows and various bankers scurrying around , so frightened for their lives , that they were even contemplating dressing down , so they will not be recognised and lynched by the baying mob - wanting them to sell their BMW’s :) .

Then you have the usual Police spokesman - fearing a re occurrence of the ……..

……………...Poll Tax Riots of 1990.......................................

……POLL TAX RIOTS OF NEARLY 20 YRS - AGO !!!.......I ask you ………


The cost of carrying out this meeting must be absolutely astronomical to all the taxpayers of the various countries participating , and in my opinion it is certainly better spent elsewhere , considering both – world affairs , and ironically the whole reason for this conference , or have the politicians forgotten.


Dare I say it again - use that “technology of the future” - online video conferencing, or has that maybe been suggested in connection with maybe a G90 conference , by an idiot - somewhere else :)




Second Mortgage Time :)


Evil Don came in to work today with a catalog of various rock merchandise, and said his daughter Laura had circled various items she wanted for her birthday , now - after taking a quick look , we worked out she had requested a “mere “ - £500 worth of stuff !!!

The swag itself , ranged from a hoodie with a full cat mask attached, through various cobweb , skull and spider rings / ear rings , to a hack and slash themed - Children of Bodom t-shirt , and I just wonder where she gets that particular one from :)

I think Don will probably go halves with his mother on paying for this treasure trove of gifts , although I hope he doesn’t send her to get The Children of Bodom T shirt :)